Wabi Sabi:Cure for Perfectionism

I think it’s easiest to work when specific expectations aren’t being forced. I love the philosophy of Wabi Sabi: nothing is perfect, nothing is finished, and nothing lasts. As someone who has an obsessive personality, this mindset helps offset my perfectionism. 

I used to be way more awkward in front of the camera. I’m still generally uncomfortable with the process of filming myself. However, the more I do it, the less I care.

Same thing with talking to people. I went through a phase during my teenage years till I was about 23  where I was terribly self-conscious of every word that came out of my mouth.  I’m 26 now, and for some reason I can’t pin point, I feel like my social skills kind of started working somehow.

How Did This Happen?
I think I know how. I believe everyone is basically a scared animal, no matter what front they put on or what personality they’ve been conditioned to project. In the end it doesn’t a matter. We’re all in this life experiment together. Everyone’s dying and everyone’s suffering. In 100 years we’ll all be in the same place. So just try to feel compassion for people, instead of worrying about what condescending or judgmental thing a person might be thinking about you (but probably isn’t).

When people are worrying, I think they’re generally worrying about themselves. How can we not worry about ourselves? We all know logically that the Universe doesn’t revolve around us, but we sure behave like it does.

If I feel hungry, my stomach is the only stomach that can make me personally experience that feeling of hunger. I can only understand another person’s feeling of hunger in relation to my personal life history with that problem (I’m extremely fortunate and grateful to have never had the problem of true hunger). If think to myself “I’m hungry”, I try to solve the my problem. If I’m tired, I go to sleep. The list on and on.

What Are They Thinking?

The inner thoughts of a person is like an echo chamber of self-obsessed conversations. “Did I say the right thing?” “Why did she smile at me like that?” “I wonder if he will understand me If he knew what I really thought”.

In a sense, social anxiety doesn’t make any sense, because worrying about what other people are thinking about you is worrying about a hypothetical thought that is unlikely to exist. People aren’t thinking about you; people are thinking about themselves. If someone is thinking about you, it’s most likely in how you relate to them at some level. “He is my friend. “She is my mother.”

So if a person’s thinking he’s more successful or attractive than you, that thought of you is only a projection in the person’s mind. A mental projection of you isn’t you. You are separate from the thoughts other people may have about you.

This is why an ad-hominem attack carries zero communication value. Attacking another person reveals more about the psychology of the attacker than it does about the person under attack.

I Hope This Helps Someone, And Sorry For My Ramble

As someone who is often anxious around members of my own species, thinking like this helps me feel less neurotic. At least l think it does. Sometimes I over think things. Or maybe I under think? Maybe only when I apply an average amount of thought does it feel like over thinking. Actually, I need to think about this. And I should probably stop typing.

One thought on “Wabi Sabi:Cure for Perfectionism”

  1. This certainly rings true for me. This is also exactly why showing vulnerability is such a powerful way to connect with someone. Because we’re all fearful of thousands of things, including each other, so if you show a little bit of your self to others, thereby being vulnerable to comments or judgment, it’s actually an endearing move that gives others permission to do the same, and be accepted. And most of the time it’s not as bad as you think it will be in your head! You also have to trust that you will survive the worst-case scenario in any social outcome, and have self-compassion. The only way to getting better is practice. Anyway, thank you for your insightful post!

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